When Macros BS

So there I am, starting to relax as the Zags pull away from the plucky Akron Zips (Zips versus Zags--evidence someone in the NCAA selection committee has a sense of fun), and this abomination appears on my small, nearly-obsolete analog screen:



Actually, that's just a shorty version of the full commercial, available at the Miller Lite website. Let us pause for a moment to consider the brewing wisdom imparted by the Miller Corporation of bad beers by examining the text of the full commercial:

In the first step, our hops give Miller Lite a clean, distinctive pilsner flavor and aroma. So when you take that first sip, your taste buds are on their way to HAPPY TOWN. The second step: hops are added for balance, ensuring perfect body and hop taste in every beer. And we all know how much you appreciate a GOOD BODY. So you're welcome. In the third step, our hops add to Miller Lite's perfect head and lock in its great taste from start to finish. It also gives you a ROCKIN' BEER mustache.

Let us review. Hops: 1) give Miller Lite a distinctive pilsner flavor and aroma; 2) ensure perfect body; 3) add to a perfect head and "lock in" great taste.

Only in the PR conference rooms where young MBAs hatch bad commercials while sipping Chardonnay are these things true. Ghastly.